My hubby and I have been married almost 9 months and we are thinking very seriously about starting our family! We have weighed all the options and realize how important it is to keep God first and each other second. We have been thrown off by how many people have tried to tell us to wait to have kids, but those are mostly people who waited and didn't feel ready didn't desire kids right away! I have prayed and prayed about it and we have been excited about having children since we were engaged. Now that I have gotten a little too much advice (why am I asking for more?!?! lol) I almost feel guilty for wanting kids now! That just seems silly to me. So how has everything gone for you all? What were the challenges for your faith and marriage having kids so soon? Any regrets?
We are VERY excited but I am still a little scared since it is a very big decision that lasts the rest of our marriage basically! We have not made the "official" decision yet! Still on BC.
Thanks a bunch! I value the opinions here so much and hope I can encourage you all too at some point.
Carly Marine Wife
Married 9 months
Starting our family soon!
We were married about 2 1/2 years before our first came along. We were "older" (late 20's) and while we wanted some time to just be a young married couple, we didn't want to wait too long before adding kids to the mix.
After our first, we went through 5 years of secondary infertility/miscarriages before our next one came along. Having this in my history always makes me think twice about people waiting to have kids -- I don't say this to scare you or worry you, and ultimately God is in control. But I do wonder if young couples who choose to wait 5-10 years before starting their families may wait only to find out they have trouble conceiving. Obviously many people wait and have no trouble at all when they decide the time is right, but this is close to my heart.
I think if you want to have kids now, and both you and your husband are in complete agreement you should go ahead and proceed.
I noticed you changed your siggy to "starting our family soon" Does that mean you have already made the decision??
wife to a great guy (12 years)
homeschooling mom of 4 boys
Re: Anyone who had children within first two years.
Thanks Courtney and Aimee! We have not completely made a decision yet, we are really struggling through it right now though... in a good way, of course. I have broken down crying a few times because I want kids so bad but just get nervous about what we'll give up and how it will change our relationship. We keep praying about it. We are more on a month-to-month "are we there yet?" than a "are we waiting 1 year or 5" type decision.
Both of us have trouble making decisions. We know there will never be a perfect time for kids. We have some debt we are paying off right now but are comfortable with the balance of paying off debt and still enjoying each other with dates and stuff. We have bumps in our relationship that I would like to continue to work on with how we communicate and disagree and our different moods, but we will always have stuff like that. We are committed to God and each other. There will always be things we are giving up by having kids but what we get in return will be a blessing. My husband is big on us having alone time so even though we talk about how we'll handle things I worry he will regret having kids this soon or get resentful. But he already tells me ideas he gets about how he will get up first on Sundays to get the baby and bring it to me so I can feed and get myself ready while he fixes breakfast for us etc etc... His parents are about 5 hours away and mine are on the other side of the country. We were closer this week to saying throw the BC out soon but then last night he said maybe we shouldn't have a baby yet. We are a bad combo of two "scaredy-cat" decision-makers! I told him I didn't want to have a baby until I knew he was definitely excited even though I am ready now. We want to do things in God's timing but I just don't know if this is something where we will "know" or if it's a thing where if our heart is in the right place (raising Godly children and keeping each other first) we should just go for it.
I could go on and on... I am frustrated because I know it's something we want. I get scared that we're always going to wait and wait. Also with the age thing I am 23 and my hubby is 24 so we're still young but I will die if we wait 5 years! I am going to look for a part-time job because I think me being home makes me want kids even more... it just feels like the next logical step when I'm always around the house! I'll stop working when our first is born but maybe I'm just antsy. I don't knoooooow. haha
Carly Marine Wife
Married 9 months
Starting our family soon!
I see that this post is a little older, but I thought I could chime in since I had children very soon after getting married. I was 23 when we got married and my husband was 24 - we had planned on waiting about 2 years to have children, but God had other plans. My daughter was born exactly 2 weeks before our FIRST anniversary, and I have loved every minute of being a mother. It's funny because one of my most treasured memories from my wedding was when my husband & I were in the back of the limo leaving the reception - he looked me in the eyes and said that he couldn't wait to have children. My son came along 3 1/2 years later and he was also a surprise :)) They are 16 & 13 now and I can't imagine my life any different.
There are definitely advantages to waiting a little while to have children such as building a little more financial security, and having some time to bond as a couple - but there is no "right" time to have a baby. Quite honestly, you could be married for 20 years and have millions of dollars in the bank and nothing will prepare you for colic.........Ask me how I know ;) And if you don't mind spending the occasional Valentine's day hosing out a car seat from a "blowout" instead of at a romantic dinner, then you're probably ready...........LOL
On a serious note, just remember that the core unit of your family is now and will always be you and your husband - and to continue to nurture that relationship. If that husband/wife relationship is strong then a child will only add to it.
Just pray together as a couple, and begin to order your life in that direction and God will speak to your heart.
We had our first 9 months after the wedding! I would not advise this! It totally depends on the couple. For us, we were together just at a year when we got married, and lived 100 miles apart, so we saw each other maybe 3 days a week, not every day. It's been 5 years and one more child later, it's been hard. I definately feel at times that we missed out on the newness and excitement of the beginning part of the marriage. But, we are blessed! If you and your husband feel that the time is right, you've obviously given it thought, then go for it!