We have had this issues for a few year. He likes to look at women and struggles with Lust, it seems like every few months I catch him watching junk on TV (girls in bikinis, girls provacatively dancing around, etc) and he has lied about it before. We have agreed that I would block the channels (E!, MTV, those type) on the cable and only I would know the code. It seems I have forgotten about the Spanish channels, I saw on the DVR history that he had taped a few shows and I didn't know what they were so I watched them while he wasn't here and they are the type of shows that have girls in lingerie dancing type shows. He deleted them, but I saw them in the history.
So I am not sure how to approach this. I HATE that he allows us to even have TV in the house, I wish we would totally do away with it. I HATE that he has a file in his mind of all these mostly naked women dancing around that he can pull up anytime he wants to have a sexual thrill. Do I even bother talking to him about it? Should I just quietly block the spanish channels? Part of me is afraid that if I block the spanish channels he will probalby just find something else and be sneakier about it.
I am looking for some Godly advice. I know by wordly standards this "isn't a big deal" at all.
This is a very hard question that I wish I had a simple answer to. The problem is that it is your husband's problem - not yours - it's almost like being an alcoholic. Until he admits it's a problem and seeks help for himself - there's not a lot you can do besides being honest with how it makes you feel and pray for him.
I plan to write a series in the fall addressing this issue after doing some research...so you can watch for that.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this in your marriage and you are not alone. Our culture has made it very easy for men to fall into this trap. It's sad.
If anyone else has some advice please advise.
www.focusonthefamily.com has a 1-800 number you can call with questions - that may be a good resource for you.
I can totally relate. My answer to you is YES you do confront, but in an absolutely LOVING way. The art of a Biblical reproof is a difficult one to master. What defines a "Biblical Reproof?" -- Telling someone what they are doing wrong with the intent to restore them to a right relationship with God. What you need to remember here is to NOT be of an angry attitude when you approach the topic. We are to cultivate the art of listening, then we are to think about what we are going to say in response. Our words are to be edifying rather than angry. Responding angrily can escalate into all sorts of sin--malice, slander, abuse... In the end, we are among the ones hurt by our anger. Angry outburst are deeds of the flesh, and when we indulge our flesh we put ourselves in direct opposition to the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:17)
There are fabulous and FREE studies on topics such as sexual purity, food issues, substance abuse, etc. There is a study titled "United Front" for wives of men who struggle with sexual immorality. I HIGHLY recommend it!
"All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness" (II Timothy 3:16).
I agree with the confrontation, in a loving non accusational manner. Also, explain to him the message that it sends to you as a wife when he acts this way. Sometimes, being very open and honest about our hurt will be motivation for change. Great job setting up boundaries with codes, etc! Ultimately though, he is a grown man and will have to start exercising will power for himself. Do not stop praying for him - and if you have to, take the controls with you when you leave the room :)